Save Money - Buy it on the Street

I was walking in the parking lot this morning, when this short scraggly black guy in a trench coat approached me. While that is never a good beginning, it did little to get better when he offered me the opportunity to buy a Rolex at a super discounted rate.

When I asked how he could part with such quality merchandise at such a low price, he stated matter-of-factly that he had an “understanding” with ROLEX, and while cutting out the middleman, he was able to pass the savings along to me. That, as well as working out of parking lots, which saves a lot on rent. Low overhead apparently… Then he opened his trench coat discreetly, which put me into a heightened state of alertness - he could just as easily taken out his merchandise or his trouser trout.

He did indeed show me the merchandise. There before me was a row of watches that probably adorned the wrist of several rich guys who crapped their pants in the midst of their respective car-jackings.

Three scenarios played out in my head as I was mulling over the goods. The first one featured me yelling “THIEF” and tackling the guy while engaging in my first ever citizen’s arrest. While that would have been the superior story to write about, there was better than a 95% chance that this guy was armed. I don't need to tell you that nothing puts a damper on the day like getting shived in the parking lot.

The second scenario featured me giving him advice that perhaps he would have more customers in front of the Fred Meyer, then promptly jotting down some directions on the napkin I use to carry my morning muffin in. We part ways with big smiles, both ready to take on the day.

The third scenario featured me politely refusing and putting as much space between myself and the ROLEX salesman as quickly as possible. I decided that was the way to go, gave him a half smile and was on my way.

Now all I need is a guy to offer me the hook up on some Thai Stick and it will almost be like living in Los Angeles.